Wise Sage

Yeah I'm just going for this whole Guru kinda look at the moment. I do have a lot of wisdom to share with the world. Here is some of my wise advice about life;

If shoes don't feel comfy in the shop, they will never feel comfy outside the shop.

People generally don't change. At least, not in the way that you wanted them to.

Don't try crack. It's very moreish.

Accessorize, not Clare's Accessories.

Beer and wine you'll be fine. Gin and vodka you'll be fine. Campari and Baileys you'll be fine.

You'll be fine.

Like . . . do or do not . . . . there is no try.



Laters my little Barbinos. Mwah!

My Kinda Guy

There is such a thing as the perfect man. SSHHHH! Quietly does it.


He is out there . . . SHHHHH!! Approach as if you are a friend. Wait for it . . . . NOW!

RRRRRAAAAAAAHHH


bite his F***ing head off!




EAT MMM ALL UP MMMMM





MMMMMMOMM NNOM NOM


Wear his stupid bell as a fashion accessory!!



That's how it's done BIATCHES!!

New Year, New Barbie

Ok so after like a totally crazy Christmas I am going to become a truly pure being in 2012. I am going to become all that I should be and stop like abusing my body and be healthy and selfless and well organised etc but more specifically, here are my top ten resolutions . . . .

1., like to lose loads of weight

2., to never drink again

3., stop using drugs to have fun

4., instead I will have fun by going running and doing yoga, cleaning my house etc

5., to really find like true love with a guy who isn't totally bad for me and stuff

6., stop dismembering friends

7., take my modeling career to the next level

8., basically get tits out in more interesting places

9., bloody hell, ten is surely too many things to do in one year

10., sod it

Happy New Year Barbie fans, hope this year brings you plenty of opportunities to waste time reading my blog when you should be doing something else. Mwah Mwah MMMMMMWAAHH!!

Girly Fun

Ay up lovelies! Just had a bit of a girly day today. I love my friends so much. They mean so much to me and it's sooooo lovely to get together and catch up on all the goss! I may not see them as often as I'd like to, but it's nice that when we do get together we just pick right back up where we left off. It's just like we've never been apart.

You know, us girlies really have to stick together. We have to look out for each other and take good care of one another.





Huzzahhh!

YEAH right! These bitches are toast!


Comin round my house, drinking my gin, playing with my stuff, watchin my telly, leaving floaters in my toilet!



There's only one Barbie round 'ere.


And you're lookin at her.










Laters taters, mwah mwah!

Ronery

Hey there Barbie fans!

Just been sitting on the beach here by myself. Feeling a bit lonely this festive time of year. Wanted to clear my head a bit so I've just come for a little sit down on this pile of shells. Ahhhhh! That's better. Just gonna stare out to sea for a bit, enjoy the winter winds tousling me hair. I think that when you're feeling a bit sad and lonely, the best thing to do is get out of the house and get a bit of air to your blank bits. I know it's December and a tad chilly but I'm made of plastic so it's OK. Yeah, I'm OK.

No, don't feel sorry for me, I'm alright. Yeah, I'm still looking for a fella but I'm OK about it. I mean, I don't need anyone else. I'm an independent woman. I'm Barbie for fucks sake!!! I don't need a boyfriend to feel good about myself.

I mean, it'd be nice to have a little bit of companionship from time to time maybe.

You know, just someone to make me feel special.

I just . . . . Oh I . . . .AAAAARRRGHH I CAN'T DOOO THIS ANYMORE I'M SOOOO LONELYYYYYY

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHRGH

OH KEN, WHY DID I DISMANTLE YOOOUUUU? sniff

BLLLLAAAAAARGGHH WAH HAAAAARGH sniff sniff

G-G-Gotta go Ba-b-b-sniff-barbie f-fans

Ad a few babychamps

jus ad a few babyshams an tha

not sure ow I got meself up ere . . . blurrrrp! oopsies!!

I wen an wrote this hic, this poem for ya earlier, lemme see if hic, if I can member it all

'Chris mas chris mas everywhere
an not a drop to drink
chris mas chrismass ovatheyre
me telly's on the blink
jus carn wait for santa to trsvel down me chimney
doopy froopy ploopy ploo
gilmpy plinky dimney.'

it justs flows darlings, it just flows like a river of creative life force an like . . . . ang on a minute


Ahh thas better was startin too feel a bit sick up there. Wha was ah sayin again? Oh yeah, I'm really gerin good and writin this poetry an thinkin about ennerin some compotiton an stuff. I've got so much talen within me and tha . . .. and . . . god I love you y'know . . . you've always bin there fa mee an I'm so gratfull . . I'm like so . . . you've always li . . .oh way a minut . . .




mwaaaargrgff

mus ave been tha dodgy mince pie i ad earlier

laters barbie fans

Red Ted dumped.

Well, what can I say Barbie fans? It all wen' a bit tits up with Red Ted. Oh well, it's just another evening in by meself with a bottle of Tesco's half price Cava tonight. Well, it is Christmas after all.

Ahhhh! Just relaxing on this new chair I bought earlier down the Herne Bay boot fair. I loves a good boot fair. Couldn't believe how cheap the furniture was. For instance, this beautiful reclining dentist chair type thing only cost me 20p!

Bargainus Maximus!!

Jeepers, I'm feeling a bit blue about this whole Red Ted situation. I told him to leave in the end, he hung around for the whole weekend. I mean, we copped off at the party, I was pissed, seemed like a good idea at the time blah blah blah etc etc I dunno, I just keep goin for the wrong types. I thought he was a real tough cookie and then yesterday night he was all like, 'Oh my God, we have to watch the Strictly final,' and I was like, 'yeah, whatever douche bag.' So then he was like, 'I just like to look at the women,' but that's bollocks coz I actually saw his tweets about it later and he was really just interested in the dresses.

And he had an asymmetrical face.

Oooo, on another note. Have you seen these wanted posters they're putting up in Whitstable. They're after Sweary apparently, something about disturbing the peace and defecating on tourists ironic flat caps.

Laters, turd burgulars, I'm gonna go make some onion bhajis.