Tescos, my Favourite Place

Hey there Barbanouts,

Just doing a spot of weekend shopping at good ole Tescos. Is it TESCOS or TESCO's? I'm going with TESCO's as it suggests that TESCO is a person to whom this store belongs. A person worthy of a possessive apostrophe. There is such a friendly personable atmosphere here. You really get the feeling that TESCO is a friendly giant here to help. I just love it here.

Here are the top ten things I like about Tesco.

1., You don't have to have a pound for a trolley.

2., The Tesco's own brand low fat yoghurts are nice.

3., Um.

4., It is close.

5., And cheap.

6., Well it used to be cheap.

7., The next one up from blue and white stripe value orange choc sandwich bars. They're good.

8., I always enjoy the invigorating scramble around the reduced to clear section on a Sunday night. The other week I got eight cans of tuna for 3p and a black eye. Result!

9., They always make sure they have the next seasons choc's in asap. For example, in January they started selling Easter bunnys, eggs etc. It's important to eat what's fresh and in season.

10., They have very strong ethical values. For instance, if you buy three things you will often get a third thing for free. Sometimes, you get 20% more Cheerios in a pack and stuff like this. They are so kind and generous.

Laters haters.

Work out with Barbie

Hey there sweeties, been working on a little workout routine that you might like to try. I know that some of you are feeling quite jealous of my perfect body. Just copy some of my moves and you'll be well on your way to looking (almost) as good as me. That's it. Keep on stretching. Push harder.


Just hold this position for about twenty five minutes. That should start working those muscles effectively. It may help if you have some old trainers and some mediocre dance music to hand, that way it will smell and sound like you are actually down the gym and everything. Throw in a sweaty, fake tanned, gum chewing, protein shake glugging knob to stare at your pathetic workout routine from across the room and you've got yourself a gym membership.

I'm not that lucky. I don't have any beefcakes to watch me work out.

Yet.

Sniff.


Anyway, you might find that your endurance is vastly improved by donning a cute little head band like so. Oh, and by taking off all your clothes. There you go, can't you feel those Christmas pounds dropping off?

Phew, I feel a little pooped now.




Ahhh, time for a lie down.

Oh and by the way. It has been snowing. Blah blah blah snow blah blah cue inane conversation about the council, grit, Picassos struggling up hills, weather forecasts, stories about the last few winters snow, how many feet deep snow is in other countries, how lucky we are that snow isn't that deep here, how we're just not used to it here blah-bl-bl-blaaaah-blah-blaaaaah

Are you still listening?

Laters craters, mwah, mwah, mwaaaahh

In the night garden

Just doing a spot of night gardening Barbietrons. Don't you just love getting out there and getting your hands dirty? I know I do. There's nothing quite like it. I had to put me scarf on though coz it's getting rather chilly at the mo. Just digging over the ground a bit at the moment. I really want to break the soil up for my spring planting. I feel so at one with nature at the moment. I feel quite inspired to bring that harmony into my latest fashion choices.

Look and learn kids, look and learn . . .


Seville oranges are so this season.


I'm rockin this sexy little orange cap and everything.


and nothing says 'sex kitten' like a hollowed out spud


rrrrrrrRRROOOW!

laters inflaters, mwah, mwah

Seriously

January

Wow, Barbie Blogerers, just finding it so hard to get out of bed at the moment. The days are so short. The endless nights. The rain and cold and frost. I guess I've got the January blues. All I want to do is sleep and use my sky plus to rewind holiday adverts so I can watch them over and over.

I really like that Thomson one where a little northern lad tells me how important it is to spend time with my loved ones. He likes the term 'loved ones.' I especially like the bit where he tells me to put down my phone and hold my loved ones hand. 'Nice, isn't it?' northern lad asks me (do I reply?). Cue montage of skinny couple twirling themselves around in a swimming pool, beautiful children sleeping on their beautiful father, tanned people laughing at barbecues on beach wearing open white linen shirts, woman smiling on hammock with man whispering in her ear and all this to a slow piano version of 'Fix You' by Coldplay (those boys are deep). Now the shots of children being hugged by their mothers, on and on it goes. 'Let this be a lesson to you,' says northern lad.

Dearest northern lad, from the Thomson holiday ads. Can't I, Barbie, come and live in your world? Your world of endless twirling and Coldplay piano accompaniment?

When you try so hard but you can't slee - eep
When you get what you want but not what you nee - eed
When the tears come streaming down your faa - ace
Bluh Bluh Bluh Bluuuuuurr Blurrrrr Blur



Right I'm going back to sleep. Got to get up tomorrow. I'm going into town to buy myself a white linen shirt.

Laters maters, mwah!

Looking Good

Hey Barbie Botherers, just trying out some hot looks for the new season. Thought you might appreciate a little fashion advice from yours truly.


Why not banish the January blues with some canary yellow knitwear? I bagged these beuts from a charity shop for twenny pee. You probably won't be so lucky but still, look and learn, look and learn kid.

See how I'm rockin this 'no knickers' look. It's soooooooooooooooo this season. I've gone for a no bra vibe too. Just feel it gives me that extra, what is it the French say? Gen-nuss-say-kwah? You may notice the over-sized hat, yeah, that's pretty cool too. It's hard to find a hat that can contain luscious locks like mine. Life can be hard, can't it?

Yeah, you've got a liquid eyeliner but don't just stick with conventional techniques. Why not go for a subtle goatee and tache combo with nice thick brows for that extra WOW factor. RRRRRRRRRROOOWW I am seriously hot stuff.

To summarize my top fashion tips for this week, remember to; use charity shops, hunt for yellow knitwear, buy over size hats, give up underwear, draw on facial hair.

Over and out Barbiturates.

Don't Ask!

Wise Sage

Yeah I'm just going for this whole Guru kinda look at the moment. I do have a lot of wisdom to share with the world. Here is some of my wise advice about life;

If shoes don't feel comfy in the shop, they will never feel comfy outside the shop.

People generally don't change. At least, not in the way that you wanted them to.

Don't try crack. It's very moreish.

Accessorize, not Clare's Accessories.

Beer and wine you'll be fine. Gin and vodka you'll be fine. Campari and Baileys you'll be fine.

You'll be fine.

Like . . . do or do not . . . . there is no try.



Laters my little Barbinos. Mwah!

My Kinda Guy

There is such a thing as the perfect man. SSHHHH! Quietly does it.


He is out there . . . SHHHHH!! Approach as if you are a friend. Wait for it . . . . NOW!

RRRRRAAAAAAAHHH


bite his F***ing head off!




EAT MMM ALL UP MMMMM





MMMMMMOMM NNOM NOM


Wear his stupid bell as a fashion accessory!!



That's how it's done BIATCHES!!