My Christmas Tea Party

OMG!! Only remembered just in time this morning that I'm like totally having some slags round for a Christmas tea party type thing.

Major panic!

The place was a right old crap 'ole so I ad a little scrub around.



Phew! This bog scrubbing is hard work eh?



Ahh! That's better. Just time for a little sit down before they all arrive. I was gonna do some party food but then I just thought, sod it. They can have tea and gin and like it. Slags.


Wowee!! The party was really going with a swing. Monkey got like totally wasted. I smoked half a cigarette with Sindy and then I was just like downing another gin, hic, when everything went like totally really bad.

Shaz's ex, Ted turned up, hic, and was all like, 'Urrrr what the fuck are you doin Shaz,' and we were all like, 'Oh my God, just Fuck off Red Ted,' and then right he was all like, 'Shaz, you said you loved me, how could you leave me?' So, then he jus' wen' totally, hic, mental and star'ed like literally tearin' her to, hic, pieces.


He totally took off her head and threw it into a cup of tea.

It was like, awesome.


He is so wild, jus like Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancin. He jus does stuff and like . . . . an like he doesn't even care abou it.

Don you jus wanna be lie thaa?

Oh red ted, you are the one I have waited for. Burrrp! Whoopsy! Hic.


We spen the res of the party dancin to 'Careless Whisper'. S'really romanic.

Shudda non be'er than to tree you fren
was sed chan than IIII bin givn
thou s'easy tooo pretend
I know you nah a fooooo

Snow in Africa

Ay up slag heaps! You've just caught me tending to me bushel. Whew! Wadda day out there? So blustery innit? Been doing a bit of indoor gardening as you can see. Couldn't be arsed to go outside today. Way too cold and nasty. I find the weather mega inspiring at the moment. I've composed a few lines of a short story that I'd like a to share with you . . . .


'Marjorie turned around. His face were pressed up against the window pane, like proper gross and stuff. He banged on the window and that. Marjorie mused on the matter awhile as he smeared a mixture of blood, snot and tears against the glass.
"Please!" he pleaded. "Help me!" he demanded. The wind smacked round the corners of the house. 'We'll have fish fingers,' thought Marjorie turning back round to gaze into the open chest freezer, 'fish fingers will do just fine.' Her face glowed in the light of her torch. It were proper chilling and everything.'

Wow, do you ever just feel grateful for all the talent that you have inside of you and stuff? I know I do. Sometimes I feel so deep and meaningful. It well freaks me out.



I'm gonna have a little soak me hearties . . .





Dum de dum de dummmmm. Tra la laaaaa. Ooooooh well there won't be snow in Africa this criss mass timeee the best pressie that they will get is looooove




I bloody love Bono. He really does so much for our awareness of situations. I mean, did you know about how it doesn't snow in Africa.

Humbled big time.



Laters haters.

Stoned

OMG do you ever think about like the frailty of life and stuff and like how everything is like happening so slowly and stuff and how it like feels like what I just said took about an hour to say and how actually it didn't take that long for me to say it.

Oh my God!


I am like totally thinking things that I have always known in my inner self but now I realise that I have known the truth all along and that everything makes sense now for the first time even though it has always made sense and I am a part of everything and everything is important and yet not important.

I love you all so much Barbie fans.


I'm going to go and eat some instant whip powder. Laters.

Lounging Around

Hola lovelies! Just hangin' around in me lounge tonight. So far I've caught the end of Eastenders and started watching some crap about the supermarkets and how their special offers aren't really special offers or summat like that. About to eat some jelly and ice cream.

Whitstable trip

Ay up lassies and laddies! I've only gone an' taken a trip to Whitstabubble for the day. Phew, I tell you what, there's just nothing more refreshing than coolin' me loins down in a little rock pool. Esp in the deep mid winter. I didn't arf get some looks from the delightful Whitstable tourists. Honestly! I just love Whitstable. Did a bit of Chopin while I was there. I bought a reclaimed ice cream cone and a vintage washed-up nappy for £78.63 which I thought were a real bargain.




Oh I could just stare at the sea for hours. In fact, I've only gone and made up a little poemry about it . . . . . ahem . . .

The sea, the sea
the endless sea
bluh-blurr-bluh-bluh-blurrr
dah dah dee dee




Me bush on the beach.





MMMMMMM . . . .creamy treat for the ride home.

Christmas Shopping

So, I've started my Christmas shopping at last. Just had a little meander around Canterbury. It's a little chaotic, esp when you're a discarded Barbie doll. I did get a few bits but I think I'm going to try and do most of it online this year. Phew! I'm pooped! Speaking of which . . .







Ahhh! Nothing like a good plopsy.

I dunno about you, but all my movements are pink and glittery. Must be all those My Little Pony's I've been eating.

Not doing much tonight. Just hoping for a nice snuggle in front of 'I'm a Celebrity . . .' with my current TILF! Haven't seen Ken for ages now. I've just got this thing for knitted guys at the moment. Don't ask me why. Just a little phase I guess.

Shopping time

Hey there you Barbie Bitches! I've only gone and come up with a little poemry whilst doin ma shoppin'



shoppin shoppin shopin
looks like it rhymes with chopin
cept it does'ne rhyme with chopin
coz it's actually pronounced 'show-pan'