Seriously

January

Wow, Barbie Blogerers, just finding it so hard to get out of bed at the moment. The days are so short. The endless nights. The rain and cold and frost. I guess I've got the January blues. All I want to do is sleep and use my sky plus to rewind holiday adverts so I can watch them over and over.

I really like that Thomson one where a little northern lad tells me how important it is to spend time with my loved ones. He likes the term 'loved ones.' I especially like the bit where he tells me to put down my phone and hold my loved ones hand. 'Nice, isn't it?' northern lad asks me (do I reply?). Cue montage of skinny couple twirling themselves around in a swimming pool, beautiful children sleeping on their beautiful father, tanned people laughing at barbecues on beach wearing open white linen shirts, woman smiling on hammock with man whispering in her ear and all this to a slow piano version of 'Fix You' by Coldplay (those boys are deep). Now the shots of children being hugged by their mothers, on and on it goes. 'Let this be a lesson to you,' says northern lad.

Dearest northern lad, from the Thomson holiday ads. Can't I, Barbie, come and live in your world? Your world of endless twirling and Coldplay piano accompaniment?

When you try so hard but you can't slee - eep
When you get what you want but not what you nee - eed
When the tears come streaming down your faa - ace
Bluh Bluh Bluh Bluuuuuurr Blurrrrr Blur



Right I'm going back to sleep. Got to get up tomorrow. I'm going into town to buy myself a white linen shirt.

Laters maters, mwah!

Looking Good

Hey Barbie Botherers, just trying out some hot looks for the new season. Thought you might appreciate a little fashion advice from yours truly.


Why not banish the January blues with some canary yellow knitwear? I bagged these beuts from a charity shop for twenny pee. You probably won't be so lucky but still, look and learn, look and learn kid.

See how I'm rockin this 'no knickers' look. It's soooooooooooooooo this season. I've gone for a no bra vibe too. Just feel it gives me that extra, what is it the French say? Gen-nuss-say-kwah? You may notice the over-sized hat, yeah, that's pretty cool too. It's hard to find a hat that can contain luscious locks like mine. Life can be hard, can't it?

Yeah, you've got a liquid eyeliner but don't just stick with conventional techniques. Why not go for a subtle goatee and tache combo with nice thick brows for that extra WOW factor. RRRRRRRRRROOOWW I am seriously hot stuff.

To summarize my top fashion tips for this week, remember to; use charity shops, hunt for yellow knitwear, buy over size hats, give up underwear, draw on facial hair.

Over and out Barbiturates.

Don't Ask!

Wise Sage

Yeah I'm just going for this whole Guru kinda look at the moment. I do have a lot of wisdom to share with the world. Here is some of my wise advice about life;

If shoes don't feel comfy in the shop, they will never feel comfy outside the shop.

People generally don't change. At least, not in the way that you wanted them to.

Don't try crack. It's very moreish.

Accessorize, not Clare's Accessories.

Beer and wine you'll be fine. Gin and vodka you'll be fine. Campari and Baileys you'll be fine.

You'll be fine.

Like . . . do or do not . . . . there is no try.



Laters my little Barbinos. Mwah!

My Kinda Guy

There is such a thing as the perfect man. SSHHHH! Quietly does it.


He is out there . . . SHHHHH!! Approach as if you are a friend. Wait for it . . . . NOW!

RRRRRAAAAAAAHHH


bite his F***ing head off!




EAT MMM ALL UP MMMMM





MMMMMMOMM NNOM NOM


Wear his stupid bell as a fashion accessory!!



That's how it's done BIATCHES!!